I should have taken more photos: a no sabo kid’s connection to Puerto Ricanness

This past Christmas I hosted the pastele making party, and the above pic of green plantains soaking in a water bath, was the only good picture I took, as I was too elbow deep in masa to take more. Growing up I hated taking pictures because they seemed like a chore or I believed they “ruined the vibe.” But as Puerto Rican artist, Bad Bunny, has proven with his new project, DeBÍ TiRAR MáS FOToS, now more than ever is a crucial time for the documentation of our lives.

Benito has always been a vocal artist in his love for Puerto Rico, but there’s something about this particular project that has resonated with me. It’s the inclusiveness of the entire rican diaspora, because we all have our individual relationship with our heritage - we know that the idea of home is not singular to a place but to a feeling, memory, a connection to others. I’ve experienced a very little piece of the world he presents in this album so beautifully in the music and visuals, and I am here to confirm that it is the best place in the world, the most enchanted place. I know as a diasporican, or a no sabo kid, romanticizing the island makes for a huge eye roll, but I can’t help it; I really love being Puerto Rican. Now, Back to the Titi activities at Christmas. The party my house with my boyfriend in the middle of Arizona, the least likely place you’d think you’d find a rican. My bf wasn't half Puerto Rican until he met me but he is now because that’s just how things work. Both he and I come from dysfunctional families so any time there’s a family get together, we have to make sure for plan of escape, but we were determined to have a nice heart warming family time, dammit.

But of course, I was still worried about family dysfunction being the star of the show.

I was worried that no one would show up.

I was worried that the pasteles would suck.

I was worried I’d disappoint or embarrass my mom in some way, not being able to be the matriarchal mini me I (sometimes) strived to be. “They’re just pasteles",” you would think, but for the American kid, it feels like a life or death situation. You see, 1.) having over 100 nasty pasteles was simply not an option and 2.) the last ones to handle the pasteles in my family were my grandmothers - do you think I have what it takes to handle that??! In comparison to women literally born on the island before the 1900s? I was crazy to think I could do this. 

But we did it. With the help of a six pack of beer and old christmas salsa songs I found on YouTube, the pasteles did not suck, and many laughs were had and it was low key back breaking, messy, and so freaking fun. I look back to that event and think, I should have taken more photos, better photos of my mom, her brother, my auntie, my boyfriend and his grandma, multiple generations of families coming together to make something of these sacred ingredients. I’ve learned to do better than my dislike for photo taking, as it is not a chore, but truly a privilege as Benito has reminded us. This album and this past Christmas has taught me that we owe it to our elders and family members, loved ones, to document them, ourselves, our stories, our traditions, everything about us. No, there are no amount of pictures that will ever feel like enough, but I hope we still try.